We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
