i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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