Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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