Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
