Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Did you pee in the oven last night??
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
