im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
