Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
