WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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