but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
