i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize