I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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