i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
