but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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