is wine microwaveable?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
