Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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