I'm lost and stupid without you.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
