I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
