there's paper in my vomit.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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