Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
