I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
