so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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