It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
