Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
