After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
