$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm both gender and math confused
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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