well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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