Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
