So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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