Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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