Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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