I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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