after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
