if you like me you must not know who I am
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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