So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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