just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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