You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
