i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
