If i could tip my vagina, i would.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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