I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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