Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
