He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
