I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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