my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
