We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
