I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
