bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
