Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
