you guys were way drunker than both of me
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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