oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
