He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
