i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
