I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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