See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
