just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
