good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
