who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
