Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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