Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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