All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
