I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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