I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
