I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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