Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
