hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
