i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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