Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
