My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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