I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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