so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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