i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
