i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
