My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
