I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
