Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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