wrigley field is MILF paradise
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
