She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It's rum buckets o'clock
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
