Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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