I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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