Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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