i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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