sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
