i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize