I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
