Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
