No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
