Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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