Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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