I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize