I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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