cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
