I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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