I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
