You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
