Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
