hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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