imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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