I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize