Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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