I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Mom said you looked used
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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