she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
