You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
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We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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