you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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