Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
