Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize