I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
