so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
