I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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