I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
