he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
