I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
