I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
