There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
