Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
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