This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
