We won't sleep together?
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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