I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Randomize
