operation harelip BJ is a go
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
