That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
